Have you ever met those “successful” people, who always seem to have
everything work their way? It’s like they have a bag of tricks, the Midas touch
or some special magic that works every time they want it to. They are so
well-liked by others and have the ability to turn friendships into very
meaningful relationships, difficult clients into profitable partnerships,
customers into closed deals, jobs into promotions, and so on.
In her book, “How to Talk to Anyone,” Leil Lowndes reveals the
tricks in these successful people’s bags. Lowndes enumerates 92 of these tricks
that you can apply everyday to help reach higher levels of ‘success’ in
*This is to serve as a quick reference sheet. For more backstory
on each of these tips, please consider reading the full book.*
How to Intrigue Everyone Without Saying a Word: You Only Have Ten Seconds to Show You’re a Somebody
1. The Flooding Smile
Make your smile magically different during first-time meetings. Instead of flashing an immediate smile when you greet someone, try the “flooding smile.” Look at the other person’s face, pause for a second, then let out a big warm smile. This looks warm and genuine to the other person.
2. Sticky Eyes
Maintain eye contact with the other person even when he or she is finished speaking. Then look away ever so slowly if you have to. This makes you appear intelligent and insightful.
3. Epoxy Eyes
Make someone fall in love with you through “epoxy eyes.” Keep looking at your target person, even if it is already someone else who is speaking.
4. Hang by Your Teeth
Have a straight posture, head up and a confident smile every time you walk into any door. This “hang by your teeth” posture makes you look like a big winner everywhere you go.
5. The Big-Baby Pivot
Give everyone you meet The Big-Baby Pivot. Use that warm smile coupled with a 100% body-turn. This makes that person feel like he or she is very, very special. And makes you win their heart because you touched their “inner infant.”
6. Hello Old Friend
Make someone feel like an old friend for a dynamic first impression. Imagine that the person you are meeting is a long lost buddy and appear to be very excited to see him/ her.
7. Limit the Fidget
Be credible in other people’s eyes by not fidgeting or twitching during your first meeting. And keep off that ‘hand near your face.’
8. Han’s Horse Sense
Read other people like ESP. Keep an eye on how they react while you talk and express yourself. Then plan your moves accordingly.
9. Watch the Scene Before You Make the Scene
Practice being the “Super Somebody” you envision yourself becoming before the final scene. Stand straight, smile warmly, and shake hands with a “flooding smile.” Visualize yourself as that Super Somebody. It will eventually come out naturally.
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10. Make a Mood Match
Survey the mood of your listeners through their voice tone, and make sure to match yours before you open your mouth.
11. Prosaic with Passion
Create a passionate delivery of your words. This makes you look like you have a great personality no matter what you are saying.
12. Always Wear a Whatzit
In a gathering, wear something that will make people wonder and ask you “What is that?”
Simply ask the party organizer to make the introduction that can immediately turn into icebreakers. This is an effective way to meet the people you want to meet.
14. Eavesdrop In
To break into a tight crowd, eavesdrop into group conversations and sneak in a comment.
15. Never the Naked City
When someone asks you “Where are you from?” reply with engaging facts about your hometown- never with a one-word answer.
16. Never the Naked Job
When someone asks you about your job, throw some delicious facts about your job first- never a one-word title like “economist” or “engineer.”
17. Never the Naked Introduction
Be creative when introducing people. Lead with what you appreciate and respect about the individual. Elaborate and keep your listeners interested.
18. Be a Word Detective
Fish for a subject that interests the other person and expound on it. (Word threading) This resuscitates a dying conversation.
19. The Swiveling Spotlight
When you meet someone, imagine a giant revolving spotlight that focusses on you when you talk and on the other person when he or she talks.
Repeat the last few words your conversation partner says. This keeps you from being speechless during your meeting.
When you are in a meeting or a group, remember a positive story the other person told you and then ask that person to share it with the group. This is an effective way to slip away if you want to.
22. Ac-cen-tu-ate the Pos-i-tive
Always remember to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative during first meetings
23. The Latest News… Don’t Leave Home Without It
Remember, anything that happened today is good material. This helps you always have something interesting to say.
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24. What Do You Do-NOT!
Don’t ask about what others do. Just dig in the conversation and discover without asking.
25. The Nutshell Resume
Wherever you go, pack a nutshell about your own life to work into your communications bag of tricks.
26. Your Personal Thesaurus
Look for common words you use every day in the thesaurus. Then use them in conversations. This makes you sound smarter.
27. Kill the Quick, “Me, Too!”
Do not volunteer your similarities with the other person. Let them discover it for themselves during the conversation.
Grab your listener’s attention by starting your every appropriate sentence with “you.” This helps you gain respect and affection.
29. The Exclusive Smile
Grace each person with a distinct smile when meeting groups of people. You’ll make them feel like you don’t just smile at anybody.
30. Don’t Touch a Cliche with a Ten-Foot Pole
Don’t use any clichés when chatting with big winners. This makes you look like a jerk. Be on guard.
31. Use Jawsmith’s Jive
Quote famous people’s notable lines. This helps enhance your conversation.
32. Call a Spade a Spade
Big Winners tell it like it is. Don’t hide behind euphemisms. Call a spade a spade.
33. Trash the Teasing
Never make a joke at somebody else’s expense. This is the world’s worst conversational habit.
34. It’s the Receiver’s Ball
When giving bad news, deliver it according to how the receiver
will take it and not according to how you feel about the bad news. This makes them like you all the more.
35. The Broken Record
Repeat exactly the previous response you gave when you are asked a question you don’t want to answer.
36. Big Shots Don’t Slobber
When chatting with a celebrity, don’t compliment his or her work, simply say how much pleasure or insight it’s given you.
37. Never the Naked Thank You
Always say “thank you for…” never just “thank you.”
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38. Scramble Therapy
Scramble your life once a month. Try something you have never tried before. This helps you become a modern-day person.
39. Learn a Little Jobbledygood
Jobbledygook is the language of other professions. Learn this by asking friend of other professions or hobbies and learn their lingo.
40. Baring Their Hot Button
Learn the industry buzz. This makes you look like an insider in any crowd.
41. Read Their Rags
You can dish up more information than you’ll ever need to sound like an insider with anyone just by reading the rags that serve their racket.
42. Clear “Customs”
Learn about the country you wish to visit before putting one toe on their soil. This makes conversation easy and safe when you are in foreign land.
43. Bluffing for Bargains
Survey first from other stories about the thing that you want to buy, so you can avail of the “insider’s price.”
44. Be a Copyclass
Watch carefully the person you are talking to and copy his/her movements. That person would think you are of the same class. He or she will feel real comfortable with you.
Echoing back the speaker’s tone of voice makes them feel like you’re “family.”
46. Potent Imaging
Weave images into your words that are related to your listener’s lifestyle. If that person is into boating, mention words like “keep afloat.”
47. Employ Empathizers
Don’t be an unconscious “ummer.” Vocalize complete sentences to show your understanding.
48. Anatomically Correct Empathizers
Use your eyes, voice, or touch to make your listeners feel and see that you empathize with them.
49. The Premature WE
Use magic words like we, us, and our.
50. Instant History
When you are with a person you’d like to make part of your personal or professional future, look for special moments together and make that your instant history.
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51. Grapevine Glory
Use tell-a-friend when you want to compliment someone. This is more effective.
52. Carrier Pigeon Kudos
Instead of being a carrier pigeon of bad thoughts (gossip), be a carrier pigeon of good thoughts.
53. Implied Magnificence
Throw a few comments into your conversation that presuppose something positive about the person you’re talking with.
54. Accidental Adulation
Sneak compliments into your sentence ever so stealthily. It makes them focus on the compliment and temporarily deaf to anything that follows.
55. Killer Compliment
Look the person in the eye. Say his/her name and blurt out that killer (genuine, honest, personalized) compliment. This makes them never forget you.
56. Little Strokes
Let others know how much you appreciate them through words like: “Well done!” “Cool!”, “Nice Job!”
57. The Knee-Jerk “Wow”
Quick as a blink, you must praise people the moment they finish a feat.
Like the French, quickly murmur something that expresses “That’s very kind of you.” Let the compliments boomerang to you.
59. The Tombstone Game
Ask the important people in your life what lines they like engraved in their tombstone. Remember this and blurt out at the most unexpected yet appropriate moment.
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60. Talking Gestures
When on the phone, replace your smile and nod gestures with talk.
61. Name Shower
During phone conversation, mention the name of the person you are calling more often than usual. This makes you sound close, even if you’re hundreds of miles away.
62. “Oh Wow, It’s You!”
Answer your phone professionally and crisply at all times. Then after knowing who is calling, let out a huge smile and sound happy that he/she called.
63. The Sneaky Screen
If you must screen your calls instruct your staff to first say cheerfully, “Oh yes, I’ll put you right through. May I tell him/her who’s calling?” before turning the person down.
64. Salute the Spouse
When calling someone’s home, always identify and greet who answers. When calling the office, make friends with the secretary.
65. What Color is Your Time?
Give importance to timing when calling someone. Always ask, “Is this a convenient time for you to talk?”
66. Constantly Changing Outgoing Message
Leave a short, friendly and professional outgoing message on your telephone. No music or fancy background. And change it frequently.
67. Your Ten-Second Audition
While dialing, clear your throat. And once you heard the beep, use that time as your Ten-Second Audition to prove you are worthy of a callback.
68. The Ho-Hum Caper
Use “he” or “she” whenever you call a VIP. This makes their secretary think that you are buddies with their boss. Try saying, “Hi, Bob Smith here, is she in?”
69. I Hear Your Other Line
When you hear a phone in the background, ask whether he/she has to attend to it. Whether he/she does or not, he/she will know you’re a top communicator for asking.
70. Instant Reply
Record all your business conversations. Listen to them and review what subtleties you missed that you can correct next time.
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71. Munching or Mingling
When in parties, never hold food or drink, as this becomes a great hindrance to the person you are speaking with. Like politicians, chow first before you mingle.
72. Rubberneck the Room
According to Lowndes: “When you arrive at the gathering, stop dramatically in the doorway. Then s-l-o-w-l-y survey the situation. Let your eyes travel back and forth like a SWAT team, ready in a heartbeat to wipe out anything that moves.”
73. Be the Chooser, Not the Choosee
While in a party, do not stand around just waiting for a special moment to meet who you want to meet. The time will come. Meet others first.
74. Come-Hither Hands
When standing out, at a gathering, make sure that your arms and hands are open. This subliminally, lures people to you.
Like an air-traffic controller, track the tiniest details of your conversation partners’ lives. Refer to them in your next conversation like a major news story.
76. The Business Card Dossier
Take note of the things about people you’ve talked with in any party. In your next communication, toss off any information related to or with importance to him or her.
77. Eyeball Selling
Set the hidden cameras behind your eyeballs to pick up on all your customer’ and friends’ signals. Then plan your pitch and your pace accordingly.
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78. See No Bloopers, Hear No Bloopers
Ignore the bloopers, spills, slips, fumbles and faux pas of the other person. This helps you win their affection.
79. Lend a Helping Tongue
When someone gets lost for words in his or her story, help the other person by saying lines like: “Now please get back to your story,” or, “So what happened after the…”
80. Bare the Buried WIFM (and WIFY)
Give them the benefits. Reveal what is in it for them (and for you) when calling for a meeting.
81. Let ‘Em Savor the Flavor
Let your friend savor the benefits of the flavor (for at least 24 hours) before you ask another favor.
82. Tit for (Wait…Wait) Tat
If a person “owes” you something, wait for an ample time before you ask that person to “pay” by asking them a favor.
83. Parties Are for Prater
Always remember to have light conversation at parties. Leave tough thoughts for tough settings.
84. Dinner’s for Dining
You may discuss ideas during dinner but not tough business.
85. Chance Encounters Are for Chitchat
If you are a salesperson, do not capitalize on a chance meeting. Keep chance meetings sweet and light.
86. Empty Their Tanks
Wait for the time until others are done with what they want to say. After their noise subsides, you may start talking about your ideas.
87. Echo the Emo [Emotion]
Whenever you need facts from people about an emotional situation, let them emote. Smearing on the emo [emotion] is often the only way to calm their emotional storm.
88. My Goof, Your Gain
Remember to ask yourself, “What could I do for this suffering soul so he or she will be delighted I made the fub?” Then do it right a away.
89. Leave an Escape Hatch
Don’t directly confront someone you catch lying or distorting facts. Instead try to correct him or her personally, or at the most convenient time.
90. Buttercups for Their Boss
The surefire way to get what you want from service personnel and make sure they care enough to give you their very best is to send a buttercup to their boss.
91. Lead the Listeners
“Big winners recognize you’re a fellow big winner when they see you leading their listeners in a positive reaction. Be the first to applaud or publicly commend the man or woman you agree with (or want favors from).”
92. The Great Scorecard in the Sky
Imagine having a scorecard above your head. This helps you be conscious in making the right moves at all times.
Also, check out Tai’s review of the book…
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